I don't know what it is, I still haven't started my period. I don't want to waste money that we don't have, just to have another negative pregnancy test. I am really feeling like I need a good cry, but then I also feel that I shouldn't be letting myself get upset about something as trivial as this. I know that I haven't had the pain of losing a baby or miscarriage. But it still hurts me to think that I CAN'T have any more kids.
I feel like I'm suppose to be someone who can do all these things, and yet I'm failing major. I'm in this spiral and don't know what to do. It just feels like it really doesn't matter what I do because I will not measure up to other's expectations. I try so hard to do everything that I'm "suppose" to do.
I can't really talk to James about it, because he thinks that I shouldn't be thinking about another baby, even though he would also like another, he just doesn't think that it will ever happen. He also doesn't think it matters how much we try because he doesn't feel like we will ever be able to so to the temple as a family to be sealed. It scares me so much to think of something happening to any of us and not being sealed to each other. I know that if something happened the work could still be done, but I just don't know who would do it or when it would be done.
I know that this is a bunch of different thoughts all thrown together, but for me they all are weighing heavily on my mind right now.
I feel like I'm suppose to be someone who can do all these things, and yet I'm failing major. I'm in this spiral and don't know what to do. It just feels like it really doesn't matter what I do because I will not measure up to other's expectations. I try so hard to do everything that I'm "suppose" to do.
I can't really talk to James about it, because he thinks that I shouldn't be thinking about another baby, even though he would also like another, he just doesn't think that it will ever happen. He also doesn't think it matters how much we try because he doesn't feel like we will ever be able to so to the temple as a family to be sealed. It scares me so much to think of something happening to any of us and not being sealed to each other. I know that if something happened the work could still be done, but I just don't know who would do it or when it would be done.
I know that this is a bunch of different thoughts all thrown together, but for me they all are weighing heavily on my mind right now.
1 comment:
Cheryl- Hang in there! We all have times like this. Just remember that the Lord believes in you and if you trust in Him than everything will work for your good.
My prayers are with you that your family can get to the temple soon.
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