The reality of it all

James is still tring to let it sink in and it is hard for him. He thought since it had been so long that we were not going to have any more kids. He asked me last night if I thought there was a possibility that we could be having twins again. I just reminded him of the dream that I had had several months ago. He said he had forgot about my dream. I had dremed that I had two boys. So he is freaked out right now. I kept waking up about every hour because of thinking about how we are going to pay for the baby, not having a car that has enough seats for extras, not having more rooms, not knowing if we are going to be able to keep the house, not knowing how long it will be for us to be able to go to the temple. Not having a clue as to what doctor I should go to. I'm thinking the doctor my sister is seeing might be a good choice. Also thinking about the fact that I might not have the choice to try and have a VBAC. It is such a hard thing to have all these worries that come along with the joy of being blessed to bring another of God's special spirits into our family. I know that he is mindful of our needs and that we will get through all of this. I just wish that I didn't feel like even people at church are going to look at me and think that I shouldn't be having more kids. There are a lot of people, even in our ward, that think two is more than enough kids. I don't want to tell anyone at work until I "have" to just because I'm tired of people saying,"wow four kids, I hope you are done." It is sad how Satan has made people think that anyone that would want to have kids is insane. I love all of my kids and I'm proud of all the work they do at school.

Family support

Last Monday since James was home we went to watch our niece cheer at their last home game. Their school doesn't have football, it is a small school. It was a basket ball game. I told our kids that was what we were doing for FHE to show Bekah support. It was fun being there as a family and watching her cheer. James started his new job two weeks ago this coming Monday and has been home three times already. It is nice that he has been able to come through the house that much. Kyrstyn is having the hardest time with him being back on the road. She cries for him at least once a day. I'm changing my work schedual. I'll be working Mon-Fri 10-2. It will be a lot better for us. I'll still be getting the same hours, but I'll be home before the kids get home from school and I'll only have to have someone watch the twins for a couple hours a day. I'll also have the weekends off and James is working on being off every weekend also, so then we can do things as a family.