The reality of it all

James is still tring to let it sink in and it is hard for him. He thought since it had been so long that we were not going to have any more kids. He asked me last night if I thought there was a possibility that we could be having twins again. I just reminded him of the dream that I had had several months ago. He said he had forgot about my dream. I had dremed that I had two boys. So he is freaked out right now. I kept waking up about every hour because of thinking about how we are going to pay for the baby, not having a car that has enough seats for extras, not having more rooms, not knowing if we are going to be able to keep the house, not knowing how long it will be for us to be able to go to the temple. Not having a clue as to what doctor I should go to. I'm thinking the doctor my sister is seeing might be a good choice. Also thinking about the fact that I might not have the choice to try and have a VBAC. It is such a hard thing to have all these worries that come along with the joy of being blessed to bring another of God's special spirits into our family. I know that he is mindful of our needs and that we will get through all of this. I just wish that I didn't feel like even people at church are going to look at me and think that I shouldn't be having more kids. There are a lot of people, even in our ward, that think two is more than enough kids. I don't want to tell anyone at work until I "have" to just because I'm tired of people saying,"wow four kids, I hope you are done." It is sad how Satan has made people think that anyone that would want to have kids is insane. I love all of my kids and I'm proud of all the work they do at school.